For Whom the (Wedding) Bells Toll

How is it the end of June already??? I spent most of the month sans laptop. I received the Blue Screen of Death one sad Monday morning. Apparently I managed to fry the motherboard or something. Since I don’t speak computerese I didn’t know what “unmountable boot” meant (although I was vaguely offended). However, several weeks later the IT guys convinced the laptop that my boot was, in fact, mountable, so now we are off and running.

This month has been book-ended by weddings. First, my Biostats Goddess colleague tied the knot to a guy I dated ages ago, the Greek. As the yenta who hooked them up, I was asked to be a bridesmaid.

Do you know how ridiculously easy it is to be labeled a hussy in the Greek orthodox religion? It took me only 3 seconds of stepping into the church for the wedding rehearsal to receive several recriminations: I was chewing gun (strike one); had a cup of coffee (it was 6 pm on a Friday after work! For god’s sake! Strike two); and the Biggest Sin, I was wearing a sleeveless top. Oh my. Apparently my bare arms mightily offended the painting of the Virgin Mary, although I didn’t notice a change in her expression, or feel a chill or cold stake through the heart. Nonetheless, the pastor was quite certain that my naked arms and shoulders put me on the Good Mother’s shit list.

You know, there’s just no fun in it when it takes so little effort to be offensive. I made one small attempt to actually earn my Hussy-hood by accepting a bag of sex toys (ordered at the Bachlorette party) in the parking lot of the church after the rehearsal. However, the Keeper of the Sex Toys out-did me the next day, at the wedding, by putting the bride’s plain paper bag full of goodies on the Wedding Gift Table. I don't quite have that level of daring, there is just enough Catholic left in me to keep me mostly in-bounds.

Maz was a great sport about the wedding. He sat with the NP and her daughter, and other work colleagues during the wedding. I went and joined them all once the bridal party duties were over. My work colleagues are very fond of Maz. At one point, the NP smiled at Maz and mischievously said to me, “OK, I have decided what I am going to wear to your wedding- my red and white Sari!”

Her daughter chipped in, “And I am going to wear my pink and gold sari!”

The NP grinned and said, “Come on, Jenn! You can’t keep us waiting forever!”

I just shook my head, but Maz leaned over confidently and said, “That’s nothing. My mom bought her dress for my wedding five years ago. She reminds me about it all the time.” That got my colleagues at the table laughing- situation diffused. Well done.


The second wedding of the month occurred this morning in a Maryland courthouse. I watched as two 17 year olds tied the knot. The bride is the daughter of two very dear friends of mine- K and Scrabble Champ (SC). K and SC will be grandparents in about 6 months. This is not a true shot-gun wedding, though- the two youngsters are madly in love and were glowing today. They were as excited and happy as any other bride and groom I’ve ever seen on their wedding day.

Still, it was surreal to witness these two youngsters nervously make a step into Adulthood. The groom reminded me a filly taking his first steps away from his momma as he clumsily and haltingly stepped to the courthouse counter to handle the marriage certificate. He was not quite sure what to do, and didn’t quite have the experience or adult confidence to swiftly handle the reticent clerk. K and SC watched and stood back, perhaps stifling an urge to take control and get things moving, and allowed the groom to take care of the situation. It’s his time to learn how to deal with these things, and he got through it without any trouble.

The family will have a church wedding ceremony in one year- after the baby is born. Until then, today’s bride and groom with stay with K and SC. This will allow the youngsters to save some money, get help with the wee one, and also to learn a bit about being married from two pros who have an excellent relationship.

All things considered, I think the youngsters have made the best decisions possible in a tough situation. I wish the best for both the early and late June brides and grooms.

Of course, lots of other things have been going on. I’m so glad to have my laptop back! I’ve been without a private space to write electronically, so blogging and other forms of communication have gone to the wayside. I think my friends must hate me, or perhaps they are convinced that I’ve given them up now that I am in a relationship. It’s not so! I will email/blog/write! Here is the first step. Hopefully more to come soon.

Cars, Boats, and Bitches

Yes, yes, it's a bit late to be posting about all this a week after the fact. But if you know me in real life, you'll know I am always late, so at least I'm staying true to form! Anyway, here is the blog post from the past weekend:

Rehoboth Beach isn't as bad or crowded on Memorial day weekend as one might expect. Lab Rat's gram has a beach cottage, so a big group of
us headed down: Lab Rat, me, Maz, the Best Friend and her two sisters, and three of Lab Rat's and Maz's friends.

These people wore me out with all the fun! The BF's youngest sister, Quiet R, is only 19 years old and had never seen the ocean before. She loved it, and so she and BF and the other sister, 7-Leagues (short for 7 League Boots 'cuz she's traveled so extensively in her 30 years)mostly hung out on the boardwalk and the beach. It was the first time they'd all had a vacation together, so it was grand to witness all the fun and excitement and happiness they were having. It's always so good to see 7-League! It's been too rare an occurrence! Quiet R was a good sport about being a youngin' in house full of 30-somethings. Thankfully the beach and her sisters seemed to stave off otherwise inevitable boredom.

Meanwhile, I learned that Maz and his crew are serious water fiends. Maz woke me up at an ungodly early hour on Saturday (8:30 am, for chrissakes, on a vacation day!) so we could take a walk on the beach. I must really like him, because I jumped out of bed willingly and with a big smile. That is just not normal. I am much more inclined to jump INTO bed willingly and with a big smile, and usually detest getting out.

I learned that jet skiing is terrifying yet loads of fun! Because I am a huge wuss, I hopped on with Maz rather than getting my own jet ski. In the beginning, I was frantically whispering a hundred Hail Marys in an attempt to stave off certain death. I've felt safer playing in traffic than I did in the first 10 minutes on the jet ski, even with Maz going slowly and responding immediately if I indicated that it was too fast. He grew up on the water, though, so I knew that he knew what he was doing. Also, I am a bit of a speed freak. By the end of our 30 minutes, I was urging Maz to go faster and kick ass over his friends as they jumped waves and raced over the bay.

Side note: riding as a passenger on a jet ski with a speed demon driver is the best inner thigh/upper arm exercise ever! I thought I was going to crack Maz's ribs with my death grip on him, and my legs felt like I'd spent 20 hours in a gym afterwards.

On Monday we rented a boat spent about 4 hours on the water. The guys and the Best Friend tried fishing (but only managed to catch a few blue crabs and a lot of seaweed), while the rest of us lazed around on deck and read. Such a lovely and relaxing way to spend Memorial Day!

On Friday night, I learned that I am not particularly impressed with Atlantic City, nor am I much of a gambler. Also, the Tropicana casino hotel rooms are overpriced and they don't even have Internet access! Blah.

Perhaps the most fun was on Sunday night, as the BF and I snuck off and had a few drinks. Apparently we were the only two lushes in the house, as everyone else turned in early. There is nothing quite like Drunk Time with the BF!! We may be in our 30s, but we weren't quite ready to turn in early on a holiday weekend night, unlike the rest of those responsible people in the beach house! Our idea of "responsible drinking" is to be certain to walk somewhere to drink in immoderation. Thank god for Gatorade, bottled water, Alleve, and Dramamine, else it
might not have been such a pleasant boat ride the following morning.

Actually, the most fun was watching the BF work her crude magic on the group. When the BF gets wound up, there is no stopping her.

To Lab Rat: "Oh, so you're a Yes Man kind of bitch! Maz must love that!"

Then, to Maz: "It's fine that Lab Rat is your bitch. Just ask him, he'll say Yes! Anyway, you're Jenn's bitch, and she's my bitch, so technically I am Queen and you are all my bitches, Bitches!"

While playing poker and Maz took us all out by getting a straight flush ace high: "You dirty mother fucker! Why don't you suck my dick! And give me back my money afterwards, bitch!"

Later, I found a short cut on the long ride home. Maz joked, "I knew I kept you around for a reason!"

The BF replied, "What, her ball licking skills aren't enough?"

"Fuck me," I said. "I guess I'd better improve. When I come into work with two black eyes from those monstrous swinging things you'll know what's what, BF! Maz, you'd better at least let me drive your sports
car after all this! Two black eyes!!!"

"Cars, boats, and bitches, Maz- that's how you roll!" BF shook her head.

Maz was cracking up. "Jesus Christ, how did I end up driving both of you back this weekend?"

And of course, there was the Arabic cursing. Maz is from Jordan, and the BF knows some Arabic. "Erih Fee!" [Take yourself outside and go fuck yourself] and "Shammuta!" [WHORE!!] were bantered back and forth all weekend. And "Lick my Spicy Brown Star!" (coined by Drella a few years back- ick!!!).

All in all, it was a great weekend. I was worn out from it all week-
only now am getting any energy at all. Just in time for this weekend!
Sometimes life is good!