Mainframe

Pick a strand of life and examine:

Writing. Behold, in my hands is a galley print of a chapter. The NP is the first author, another MD is second, and I am the third and final. I am doing a final run-through before we turn it in for its publication. This is going into a TEXTBOOK of neuropsychiatry...for geeks like me, this is joy beyond imagining. I cannot wait to get my copy. We are working on a zillion papers and a full book. One of these days maybe I'll get around to personal writing (beyond the blog!).

Work. Right now the NP and I are in the midst of classes at the Hopkins Summer Institute. We are doing stats, stats, and more stats. This is the NP's first exposure to actual statistics classes. I've had two graduate levels stats courses- and I am still finding the classes to be extremely helpful. I really am a big geek: I am having a blast in these courses. Lightbulbs are going off everywhere- I think I am finally starting to understand what exactly is going on. It's rather Platonic, really- always looking at the ideals to see how close to them the results get. I feel like I am gaining in competency. It is a very good feeling!!!!

Things in love are more complicated. I am still completely confused on where I stand in regards to relationships. I hung out with the Man last night and tonight. I have been honest with him, he knows that I am seeing other people, he knows that I want to date. I haven't told him details, but he knows that I am out and about.

We are having great talks. He is doing really, really well. He is okay, despite wishing things were different between us, despite wishing that I weren't seeing others. He really has joined the program, so to speak, and is just working on himself.

Truly he is a man after my heart. He noted that now, clean and working the program, he could be a better Man, a better boyfriend, a better, stronger, smarter husband. He would be, of course. He is balancing out his desire to be with me, his desire for me to be happy, and his desire to be happy. He is focused on work, on growth, on building a new and better life, and on really enjoying his life, seeing the beauty and opportunites. One area that he would like to improve, but has no control over, is our relationship.

He said, My heart has your name on it.

I told him that my heart has MY name on it, that I have no resources to invest in a relationship.

And it's true. One of the most important "tools" that I learned from my time in Naranon is the ability to detach from others. I learned, much like the Man has learned, to be happy despite what anyone else is doing. If he was out and using, I could choose to accept that it was his choice, that I had no control over it and to focus on things that I could control, focus on me, my reactions, my decisions, etc.

The deeper lesson here is that no one else besides me controls my happiness. And this means that I don't need anything in particular to be happy. I can always find something to focus on that generates happiness.

And so, earlier I decided to start dating. To step back into the pool, to see how it went with other men, with other types of guys, to get other experiences.

One of my problems is that I get interested very easily. I find EVERYONE interesting, there is something to learn from everyone, everyone has something unique about them. This doesn't mean that I'd be interesting in dating or getting to know everyone! But I do have a hard time "prioritzing". I don't have a clear idea on what my purpose of dating is right now.

For instance, the smokin' intel guy. We have had three dates, and plan to meet up in the next day or two. Happily, he is interested in just dating, just getting to know people, and to possibly move on from there. He is not interested in just jumping in. He's a great guy. I have really enjoyed hanging out with him, and am looking forward to getting to know him better. I don't think there is a sane woman anywhere who wouldn't be interested in getting to know this guy better! He seems to be a one in a million.

The Secret Service guy- well, this is a different story. He is not around to get to know, which is unfortunate, because based on the little bit of interaction we've had, he is really someone I think I could click with. This is based in part on demographics- its in his voice, he is from small town PA, he just seems "like me", although since I haven't gotten to really know him, this could all be projection on my part. But, a handsome Secret Service agent who is a huge Pittsburgh hockey and football fan, AND a chocolaholic AND eats ice cream every day AND is an independent thinker AND highly respectful AND has at least some of the same thinking patterns as I do...phew!!! He could be dangerous, if he were around. He's also actually busier than I am...remarkable!

So, I am out and thinking on different levels about dating and relationships. Regarding these two men, they are on totally different levels than the Man. I am more intellectually aligned with the two Dates; they are far more financially stable, established in their careers, they have their own homes, they are only a few years older but far more experienced and mature.

If I think rationally about it, this should be a no brainer. If I want a family, a home, a more stable life, then clearly the better thing to do is to continue to move emotionally away from the Man and more towards men like the Dates.

But the Man and I still do share a huge bond. We are like little kids together- laughing and talking and just hanging out. We know each other very well and love each other so much! We are so comfortable together. We were friends before we got serious, and our friendship is really strong right now. We have gone through hell and have grown so much from it individually- if we ended up back together, the relationship would have grown as well.

I am still very clear that I don't want to enter into anything serious with ANYONE right now. I am still very clear that I don't want to enter into anything serious with the Man for a long time- a minimum of one year, and likely longer than that.

But outside of knowing these two things, I have lost my focus. I don't know what I want, what my purpose is, what I am doing. All I am doing is having some fun, and I think that that is okay, as long as all parties are clear on it- and the Man is clear on it, and the Intel guy is not only clear on it but also on the same page as me. The Secret Service guy isn't around enough to be included, at least for the time being.

I think what I am doing is okay, but I don't know that its serving a purpose. If I want to have a family and build a relationship, then it only makes sense to move towards that. But I don't want to get involved seriously...this is in direct opposition to the purpose.

Well, that's enough circular thinking. Right now, it's all good enough. I am not lying, no one is getting hurt, all cards are on the table. I guess if I do want to get serious with someone, and that person also wants to get serious, then I can make a decision at that time. For now, why am I thinking about it? Trying to get ahead of Nothing...silly woman!!!!!!!

SMOKIN'

YEOW!!! That Intel guy is ALL THAT!!! He has all the material goods- a great car, a great house, nice clothes, etc. But that's all top-off stuff; look inside and there is a world of good: intelligence, respect, humor, independence, honesty, integrity. Or so it looks from Date Three, which granted isn't much time, but enough time to get a good enough idea on whether to keep going or give it up. Usually cracks appear by now, and so far he seems really good.

I *definately* want to keep seeing him. He'll be in town all next week for his job, so we should have several opportunities to meet and spend time together.

The biggest danger now is that it would be very easy to just continue out of dating and into something more. This is NOT what I want to do. He is so unbelievably romantic that it would be sooo easy to just fall- he must have women swooning over him all the time. It feels really, really nice to be with him.

However, my goal right now is to date, not to hook up and want to get exclusive. He is not talking about getting exclusive, but if we keep going at this clip I am likely to get there. Its not like we are getting down and dirty- he doesn't have sex without exclusivity, so it's not as if he is out to get laid. Au contrare, if he were, it would be easy to spot and would be a major turn-off. Instead, he enjoys just hanging out and getting close and smooching and getting much more intimate than sexual...and that is hugely attractive and not something easily resisted- I don't even want to resist it!!!

BUT, I really do not want to fall into anything. It is soooo nice spending time with him, I want to continue, but in my normal way of thinking you don't spend this much time with someone without getting exclusive. Then again, I am trying to change my thinking on relationships, and if things are out in the open and honest, I guess it's all good.

I have been honest with him, and he is okay with it. For all I know, this is how all his dates go. I'll have to ask him! He's really honest, so I think he'd tell me if it's so! LOL!

I have to say, so far I am really, really enjoying this dating thing. The Secret Service guy returns some time next week, and maybe I'll get lucky and actually get to see him. With school (taking some stats classes at Hopkins for the next three weeks) and work, I don't have much free time to pursue others. Probably a good thing! LOL!

Summer is rocking so far!!!

Practice

I want to do a quick update on the dating scene. Just cuz it's so much fun to write about!

My main goal in dating is to get some practice doing things differently. I am working on taking the things I like about my relationship with the Man and also getting better at looking out for specific things (and avoiding certain things!).

So on Sunday night I wrote a nice email to the Secret Service guy. I have really enjoyed our emails and phone calls, but I would really like to see him if we are going to continue on. His emails and phone calls are nice, but not very frequent and often don't arrive when he says they will. I wrote that I was very interested in him, but that I thought our communication was off. I feel like if he were interested, he would call a bit more frequently, and I have definately gotten the impression from him that he would feel better if I emailed more often. Its a circle- I email him, but don't hear anything from him and so don't email. I am kind of amused that we both jump to the same conclusion, if that is what is going on.

Well, he called several times already, and has emailed. He also said that he sent another email out today, this one a direct response to my email. I haven't received it yet, though. He's STILL traveling, and is really, really tired of it, but has made a big response to my request for better communication.

I'm glad I emailed him, and I hope that this continues. I will work on emailing him more often, even if the emails are a bit rambly.

The main thing, though, is that instead of jumping to conclusions, or getting angry, or sitting around wondering what was going on, I actually just asked. That is the practice thing.

AND, tomorrow, the Intel Guy is coming over for a visit after work. His main office is in Columbia, he gets into this area roughly once every 1-2 weeks- HURRAH! It will be interesting to see how things go- we had a really intense weekend, and I don't know whether we will pick up from there, or if things will just sputter out.

So now, I have to find a date that *doesn't* sweep me off my feet. Maybe I am just easily impressed or something. I am comfortable, though, because even though I am having fun I am not getting serious about anyone. I am enjoying things, but it's all good whether they continue or not. Its a good place to be for now.

Time to Make a Change?

I've been writing about my adventures in dating, but actually a lot has been going on.

At Hopkins, it looks like things might get shaken down. It looks like the head of our division might leave, and he wants to take the MDs with him. He has offers from prestigous universitites in the South and Midwest. I have an invite to go as well (its one of the NP's conditions for her to go), but I don't want to leave, really. I haven't given this much thought, as it is entirely out of my control, and it's been up in the air for ages now.

Well, it's coming down to earth now. Decisions will be made over the next few weeks. This means that I'll have to seriously start to think about my career and where I want to go from here. I've happily gone along with the NP, but once again it is time to reassess what I would do if she goes. Even if she doesn't go, but the boss does, she will probably leave Hopkins and go into private practice, and I'll need to start anew.

Honestly, without the Man, there are no major ties keeping me in Baltimore. I could go back to work full-time for the biotech company, but I'm not sure that is a positive move. Without Hopkins or the Man, I could just as easily pick up and go. But I would miss my friends, and I don't want to move farther from my family, or have to restart the process of building a new community.

In unrelated news, the Best Friend and I are considering moving in together. As we've lived together in several different time zones numerous times, I know we'd get along great. But I am rather fond of living alone, and I like my little Hobbit Hole apartment, even though it is small. Actually, I love living here by myself- and even though I know I'd also like to live with the Best Friend, I don't know if I'm ready to give this up.

So overall, there are several changes underway. Nothing stays the same for long, eh?

Intelligence

What a weekend!!!!!!

I met again with the Intel guy. I met him at his house in Manassas, and we took a lovely ride on his motorcycle across town for dinner, coffee and Starbucks, and for a stroll across the battlefield. As before, we talked for hours. I asked him hard personal questions, and he seemed to rather appreciate the questions- he answered them, and often returned them to me, and keep enlarging the conversation. He answered questions about his past relationships, his marriage, any drinking/drugging habits, his stance on religion and politics, and thoughts on having kids. He was good with getting the major questions out, front and center, and kept asking if I had others. He was not shy about turning the tough ones back onto me. Consequently we hit some pretty important issues up front. I appreciated his frankness, and liked just about all of what he had to say. He is very sharp, bright, and articulate, and has a great sense of humor!

He is one of the few people I've met who have actually become more attractive to me as he spoke (and I thought he was quite cute to begin with!!!). Actually, my first impression of him- while favorable- was that we didn't generate many sparks. This was overturned by the evening. We were definately hitting it off. I had planned to leave at 10 pm. We hung out until 2:30 am-way too late for me to make the 1.5 hour drive home. Technically we "slept together", but the usual connotations of the phrase weren't involved.

He is a lovely, romantic guy who I definately want to see again. I had a wonderful time and felt very much at ease with him. We hope to meet later on this week- but starting tomorrow my schedule goes wonky again, and the next two weekends are already entirely booked. He certainly seemed very interested in meeting this week- he was really wonderful, all around.

I had NO IDEA that dating could be this much fun!!!!! The cool thing about the Intel guy is that he is all about just dating, meeting people, chatting them up and learing about them. He claims to not get intimate with anyone unless he has decided to date that person exclusively. He seems to be doing exactly what I want to do. I guess this is what most people do, but in my history I've only done things serially- hung with one guy at a time. I've never, ever dated different people simultaneously.

As I was driving into town this morning, I was singing a Nirvana song in my head: "My girl, my girl, don't lie to me...tell me where did you sleep last night?" I have told The Man that I'd gone out on dates. However, this was the first time in years that I'd kissed anyone, or slept next to anyone, other than The Man. I knew that he'd know. He'd called during the day (but I had my phone off), and as he lives only a block away I knew he'd check in.

Of course, he called in the late morning. I was out shopping with the Best Friend. He said that he didn't mean to pry into my personal business, but had I slept at home last night? I told him no. He asked if I'd been out on a date. I told him yes, but that I hadn't had sex with anyone. He quietly said, Oh, and we agreed to talk more later on. I hated it, because I know he's depressed and wants to get back together, and even though he says he understands why I am doing this, it still hurts him. I don't want to be with him now, but I still do love him and it kills me to see him hurt. On the other hand, I also want to be honest with him, and he says that he wants my support and friendship.

We did talk later on this evening. I told him that I didn't think we should hang out as much or talk as much. I felt like everytime he saw me it was re-opening his wound, and that I felt guilty that he hurt so much. I didn't want to cause him any more pain. I said this, even though I know that I am not responsible for his pain- he has to handle it, and decide how to manage it. Just like I have to handle my guilty feelings and not try to put them on him.

He said that he understood. He said that he was still in love with me, but that he understood that I couldn't be with him for a while, until he had more clean/recovery time. He said that he wouldn't always be this way, that this wouldn't always hurt so much, that he would be okay with us being friends. He said that he was on the right track, but that he still wanted my support. He asked if I would call him every so often, and if he could call me if he needed a friend.

I was very happy to hear all this. I hope it works out this way. At least we are talking and working through it. I don't want to sever everything with him- I want to know how he is doing, and help if I can. If we can manage to be friends, I want to do it. We'll see, eh?

This Fascinating Life

Yah, life flies by...

The Man and I went through more emotional tumult over the weekend, but it all worked out in the end. I think he made it past a big turning point for him. We are still friends, at least for the time being. I hope he continues on this path...

In other news, I had dinner, coffee, and a long, long talk in the Inner Harbor last night with the most interesting person I've come across so far. It's as if suddenly interesting, high-level, successful, independent people are walking into my life from every direction- I love it!!!

Last night, the man I met is an Intelligence agent- not protective like the Secret Service guy, but an actual Intelligence Analyst. His stories were mind-blowing. I loved his manner- he is gregarious, open, generous, funny, very comfortable. Of course, he was very, very bright. Well-traveled. Educated in the States and in England. This man has a great sense of irony, and seems to just love life.

I had a great time- the night flew by, it was midnight before I knew it. I think we might meet again over the weekend.

I heard from the Secret Service guy by phone last night. He is off again to Washington State. I would love to see him, but who knows when? I haven't seen him once in June!

I need to get to work, but I just wanted to get a short entry in. I am writing about dating and fascinating men, but there is a lot going on in work and friendship areas as well. They just aren't as much fun to write about!!!

WEEKEND

Thank GOD!!! A break! It is just before 11 pm- after working 20 hour days since Wed, we have finally finished our big project. Well, there is a simple excel table I need to complete, documenting our time and efforts etc., but that can happen later on this weekend.

I am so freaking exhausted. I am starving. The Man is going to drive us down to Fells Point so I can get something to eat. We'll see how smart it was for me to do this. We are both on our good behavior, so it should be fine, I think.

There is very little to report otherwise. Work work work work work.....BLAH.

There has been one cheery moment: the Secret Service guy called tonight- I don't know why it is, but I just love to hear from him. He has a great voice, and is such a sweetheart. He has a hint of PA accent...which of course is home to me. He had to work all week (Reagan's funeral)- he had to leave after it and called me from Houston. He said he'd call when he gets back on Sunday, but his track record hasn't been great in this regard. And anyway, I've only seen him face to face twice. It's ridiculous to get all nervous and happy, isn't it?

I don't know. It's fun to get all twitterpated, but in the end I am happy to move slowly, and just enjoy things. After checking out so much emotional wreckage, I am happy and content with my life now. If things slowly work out with the SS guy, great! If not, it is okay. I have a few dates lined up, but obviously nothing big or serious. It is summer, I am interested in meeting new people, doing things a little differently, but making no big emotional investments at this time.

Weariness

There is too much going on. I am way behind in my work, and the deadline for a massive project is Friday.

I was set to work all night, but got emotionally sideswiped.

First, the Man called and wanted to talk. I told him that now was not a good time, but he said that he really needed to get clear on everything, he was entirely fucked up. So he came over, and we talked some more, cried a lot, tried to work something out. We are going to continue our efforts as friends, but I have grave doubts as to this working out. I am not in the same place as he is.

I am afraid I did us both a disservice. I think that perhaps the right thing to do is to just end it, totally and completely. I really don't want to do it, but I think he is still living in a fantasy world. He doesn't understand that we are not a couple.

Next up, the First Boyfriend called. He is actually doing very well. He is in a place of acceptance. It was wonderful to talk with him

Then, the Wife of yesterday's post called. We talked for a long, long time.

All I can say is, right now I am totally confused about the nature and purpose of relationships. This shouldn't be surprising, as I've always held an unusual perspective on relationships...but right now, I just have no idea.

What I do know is that it is after midnight; I got nothing done workwise; I am emotionally and mentally totally drained.

Wish me lots of luck in the next few days. I will need all the help I can get.

Heartbreak Redux

Good god! I learned some really shocking news today. The marriage of two old friends is apparently on the rocks. They have been together for fifteen years (they are only 30 years old!) and married for ten years. The wife has moved out; the husband is devastated. I cannot image trying to leave someone with whom I'd spent half my life; they both must be in so much pain right now. The husband is one of my best friends- in fact, I acted as his Best Man at the wedding. After things finally calmed down with the Man, I called him and told him the whole story of me and the Man. It turns out that the Wife had started to get depressed and talk about leaving around the same time as the Man fell into his addiction. It's a trio of devastated relationships: the husband, my First Boyfriend, and me. We all have suffered severe and rapid destruction in our relationships since Jan 1, 2004.

I really cannot get over this. They were so tight- when we were all teenagers we used to tease them because they wouldn't go anywhere without the other. They were so committed! They were the last couple I would ever expect to split up.

I can't get my head around it.

And to top it off, I have really have missed the Man today. I wish there were a way to stay in contact with him. I don't know what to think about anything right now.

Heartbreak

Ugh ugh ugh. I feel physically nauseated and once again extremely sad. I just had a chat with the Man. Apparently I wasn't clear earlier about our "friends" status. It's funny, because all he remembers are the days before Jan 1, and all I remember are the days in 2004. It's been six months and many dreams shattered- I hadn't really thought back to what it was like before in ages. For me, the fact that our relationship was so solid and wonderful before is not a predictor for what it could be like again, as evidenced by the fact that it exploded once already.

It's hard, though. As much as I am interested in the Secret Service guy, and all these other dates, I don't know if I'll ever be as comfortable and content as I was with the Man. I was so at ease with him- he knows me so well, and I know him. And the fucked up thing is that I DO feel that he is going to be one of the ones who make it, who beat the addiction. In the rooms, I am one of only a few whose loved one has stayed clean for any significant length of time- and he's only got two months! Off the bat, he is doing something right that many of this peers continue to fail at. He is dedicated, that's for certain!

So I see that he is doing well, and he wants me to be by his side, he wants to get re-engaged and get married, and move on. He says that he will attend to the addiction every day, with or without me, and I believe him.

But right now, I just cannot put myself back there. Despite how well he is doing, I think I would need to see him really work his program and get settled. I feel like I would be setting myself up for disaster if I were to just walk back in. I don't trust it, at all. I don't see the Man as I saw him before we got engaged; all I see is a growing Man since 2004, and while growth is good there is still the destruction and chaos that he wrought. I know it wasn't his intention to do so, but he did it, and I can't forget it. I have forgiven him, but I can't forget at this point.

I really thought I was done crying about this. I will always care for him, and if he does work his program and is available in a year from now, and if I am available, then maybe something could work out. I've seen it happen with others, and our bond is still very strong.

I just don't know. I don't know what to do. Maybe I shouldn't be dating at all. I felt fine until I spoke with the Man, and specifically until I started to think about how things were before we got engaged. On the one hand, I wonder if I'll ever have anything so lovely again...and on the other, despite its loveliness, it withered up quickly. I feel that nothing is really safe, and that I just have to trust myself to get through whatever comes up.

God, I am tired. It's 11 pm. Time for bed. I don't know what I should be doing, I don't know what is best, I guess the only thing to do is just feel sad for a while, cry it out yet again, and know that tomorrow is another day. Maybe I'll have a clearer head tomorrow.

Dating

It's a lovely quiet weekend in Baltimore. I have a massive deadline to meet next Friday, two articles to read, and a small chapter on Depression to write. But I have pushed most of that aside to spend time on-line on match.com and eharmony.com. (And to watch the Stanley Cup finals!)

First, an update on the Secret Service guy. I now understand why he is still single, and why he says he tends to jump right into things: his availability is extremely limited. It is not his fault, it is the nature of his job. He called on Friday to let me know that he ended up staying here (in DC), but that he is one of a few guys to do so (everyone else is either in France for D-Day or Georgia for the G8) , and that he would have to stay on-site for most of the weekend. He said that he would call later on in the weekend, when he would know if he could slip out for a bit.

My heart sank yesterday upon hearing the news that Ronald Reagan died. I work with Alzheimers patients, and I know that often death is a blessing. I wasn't sad for his death per se- I was bummed out because Mr. Reagan will have a public wake in DC, and I knew that any chance of seeing Mr. Secret Service guy had just been eliminated. To add to it, he had told me that if he didn't end up going to France, he would end up going to the Middle East shortly thereafter. So, it could be a few weeks before I get to spend any time with him again. If I had realized this, I would have followed my heart instead of my brain and stepped up the pace a bit.

So, while he is still Number One, I decided to enter a bit further into the dating pool. At any rate, I promised myself I was going to do things differently this time around. I was never much of a dating person. Every single major relationship that I've entered into with was a guy who was the friend of a friend. I hadn't really dated, per se, but rather hung out with the guy. I tend to know pretty quickly if I want to get more serious. Things were a little different with the Man- he was a friend of a friend, and I was attracted to him the first time I met him, but I was near the ugly end of a relationship and he had just gotten out of an ugly relationship. Even after I became available, the Man and I both individualy felt that we were not ready to enter into a new relationship, so we hung out on a "no strings" basis for a good 6-8 months before we started to get serious. So while I knew off the bat that he was someone I'd like to get to know better, we didn't jump right in by any means. While I hung out with an ex for a bit during my "friendship" time with the Man, I didn't really see anyone else. That is how I've always done things- I just focus on one person at a time.

I am turning things around this time. First, I am going to go on actual dates. Second, they will be with people I don't know. Third, I am going to go on actual dates with several different kinds of people. I will not commit before doing this. I will really shop around (unless I fall head over heels in love with the Secret Service guy, which could certainly happen!). I have met the first two goals with the Secret Service guy; last night I hopped online to try to meet goal 3.

The Low-Down on E-Dating

I belong to two different internet dating services: match. com and eharmony.com. Match is more causual- you peruse pics and profiles (a basic description of who you are, your interests, and the kind of person you are seeking). You can take personality and physical attraction tests. You can run searchs based on profiles, personality, and distance from you. You do all the work on Match. You can send emails, initate chats, but you are the one who selects the potential dates.

E-harmony is different. It is more expensive, more selective, and more targetted. The goal on E-Harmony is marriage. You take a personality test, make a list of things that you Must Have in a relationship and things that you Can't Stand in a relationship- the dealbreakers. They do the matching for you. They send an email to each party in the match, when they occur. You have the option of requesting further information or not, or responding to requests for info from others. You go through a five step process of emailing back and forth before deciding whether you actually want to meet face to face.
You only meet people with whom you're likely to have a high level of compatibility.

So far, I have had more fun on Match.com. The Secret Service guy found me on Match and emailed me from there. I have had several interesting guys email me, which is very cool because I don't have a picture posted (I email them on request). I spent some time last night chatting with a very cute guy from Manassas, who also works in Intelligence (but not with the Secret Service). I don't know it is with me and Intelligence guys! We agreed to meet sometime this week or next weekend. I'm also emailing with a physician who sounds very interesting and who has great pics, and there is another guy who just emailed me who might be interesting as well.

I've had a few hits on E-harmony as well, but nothing that is likely to lead to anything. E-harmony is much more efficient. I think in general, they are both doing what they purport to do: I am getting a good, diverse response from Match, but a more targetted and selective response from E-harmony. So far things are going smoothly, I think.

So there it is. I wish I could spend some time with the Secret Service guy, but I am also really looking forward to meeting the Intel guy. He seems like a lot of fun. If the physician emails me back, that could be fun, too. And the other guy is a computer geek, which I like. I just need to get past this deadline, and try to open up some time in my schedule to meet these guys. It's a great problem to have! LOL!

I should add here that both dating services promote "safe dating": remain anonymous until you get to know the person; meet in public places; be sure to drive yourself or provide your own transportation; use an email without identifying information (like a Hotmail or Yahoo account); in general don't give out identifying information.

Update: the Secret Service guy called while I was writing this. As I thought, he is putting together the logistics of Reagan's wake. He thinks we'll get an opportunity to see each other before he goes to the Middle East (and there is a small chance that he won't go on that trip), which would be great. But he agreed that we might truly have an on-line romance for a while...sigh...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Oh yeah. This is just brilliant. As a Steelers fan, there is no better tonic, its a death wish towards a hated rival: Kordell is Now a Raven.

I am rolling around in glee! Kordell was able to beat the snot out of the Ravens as a Steeler- but I think the Steelers are going to have a pretty easy time around ole Slash. They know him pretty well, heh. Ah, a whole summer to go. In the mean time, I am going to enjoy watching the Ravens fan squirm, trying to accept the much-hated Kordell.