Karmic Weekend
I have spiritual beliefs that many would consider pretty far out there. They are kinda New Age-ish: I believe that all matter is energy, that a Consciousess of some sort exists, that we create our own realities, and that there are no accidents, among other beliefs.
Given these beliefs, days like yesterday should be commonplace. Perhaps they are, and I just notice. What do you think?
I spent most of yesterday morning getting more and more frustrated with my computer- its as if some bug or rouge program is eating up all my processing speed. I removed old programs, compressed files, ran Norton sweeps, virus protection, and diagnostics. Nothing worked, my PC kept crashing, and finally it tried to launch into the dreaded Safe Mode.
Happily, this occurred shortly before I was due to teach knitting. I admitted defeat to the PC, just turned the danged thing off, and went to work.
However, I ended up with only one student, and she already knew the skills I was teaching. Cool enough! Basically, she just wanted someone to walk through the project with her, as she is a pretty new knitter. Thus, for the most part, I was able to knit and relax and chat with the student and other knitters in the shop.
One of those knitters was a visitor from MN who was in town for a writers conference. She mentioned that she was going to hear Galway Kinell (Spelling?) read- this man is a poet extraordinaire. I heard him read as an undergraduate at Pitt, and will always remember it. She invited me to come with her!
The Visiting Knitter was very cool. She is older than me- she has a son who is 20- and it was very enlightening talking with her. She had come to the conference basically to hang out with a friend, and for odd finanical aviation-related issues, she ended up staying an extra night. Her friend is also a well-known poet, but the Visiting Knitter herself hadn't been into poetry really for a while. Galway Kinell, however, caught her interest.
Well, the poetry reading was actually a tribute to Louise Canter- and the whole thing was remarkable.
One of the poets was a prof from Pitt, someone whom my college roommate- a tremendous writer herself- had for several classes.
The poetry itself was powerful, remarkable. Fine literature is luxurious, soul-filling. Magnificant.
Also, it reminded me of my Younger Self, the undergrad who used to journal and write constantly. She re-awoke a little, causing me to smile and recall, and then promise to spend more time tending to myself and writing! (and yes, blogging counts!)
We went to dinner quite late, and talked a whole lot about relationships. She asked if I was married, and I said no, that I had a very significant other but didn't feel that marriage was a good fit for me.
She talked about her first marriage, which didn't work out. She seemed to grok my feelings towards the whole idea. For her, marriage makes sense: she has been married to her 2nd husband for 16 years, and it was clear that she really treasured her man.
She said that she was really very fortunate, because normally, she said, she would never have considered dating someone with his lack of credentials- she was well-educated, and this gentleman had never gone to college. He wasn't into abstract thought, movies, books, etc. He was a more down-to-earth person.
"It was pure luck, but for this one time I actually looked at him and past the "trappings." He is a very good man, and I have been so fortunate and happy."
The thing was, you could really feel her sincerity, I have only met one other adult who has been married for a while, who has spoken so well and so strongly of her husband (my current Forensics professor).
I felt that there were many messages and validations in our meeting, but that comment on seeing past the trappings really got me. She is quite right, and I've had a lovely day in deep appreciation of the man all day. It is all good.
But that's Just the Beginning!
The Man has had some unfortunate news from the doctor. It's nothing really bad like Cancer or AIDS or anything, but it is kinda yucky. We've known that he is going to have to undergo some difficult treatment soon, and this was one of the deciding factors for me on moving in with him.
Treatment is coming soon, so last night we went out to celebrate what we've got for now. His friends came to the house and hung out late into the night, and I got really, really drunk. Ugh.
One of the the Man's friends came with a girl. The girl, it turns out, had been dating the Prick (see the Sisters Website) at the same time as the Prick had been dating my sister! For TWO YEARS!!!
The Sister has been thinking of the Prick again. This is always dangerous. She recently said to me that if he called and wanted to come back she would take him. I cannot begin to describe the depths of despair to which such an act would lead.
Thus, meeting the Other Woman, who had been just as duped as the Sister and pretty much equally as unhappy with the Man, was remarkably good fortune. The Other Woman was aghast and pissed, but kinda happy to have this information. I ignored the fact that it was 5 am and called the Sister immediately, and had the Other Woman and the Sister chat.
I think that a whole lot of doubt has been cast aside, that many questions have been answered, and that a lot of healing can finally begin for both of them. We were all shocked at just what a Piece of Crap the Prick really is.
In the Meantime...
There was more drama going on, apparently. It seems that the Truth became evident for quite a few people- one quit her job today and has decided to focus on other things in life; she had been really malicious towards another one of the girls- Malicious One berated the Guest, saying that the Guest was ugly, that she would never be married, she would never have a husband and kids like the Malicious One had, and that she wasn't even worthy of having a relationship! Holy Shit!
So today, I hung with the Guest. As one can imagine, the Guest was really bummed, and we were all hungover. (I am too old for this shit!) We talked about how all that malice reflected the reality of the Malicious One, and was not at all accurate for the Guest. I pointed out that happily married people don't taunt others, saying, You'll Never Have What I Have, Nanny Nanny Pooh Pooh! Happily married people are focused on being happily married, not knocking down others.
It should be noted that the Malicious One has never before acted like this. Whatever got into her and manifested had quite an effect, as apparently priorities were clarified as a result of last night for her. I wish her very well, and hope that she is able to straighten out whatever is wrong. The Guest expressed the same sentiments, which I think speaks really well of her. I think the Guest was also able to recognize that she felt okay with her current status. It just seemed like a block of Good came out of last night!
Yesterday and today, I have been reminded again of how fortunate I feel with school, work, the Man, life. Lately I have been sad and cranky and miserable, and have forgotten that I am the one who generates these negative feelings. I generate them and stew and hold onto them, rather than just having them and moving on.
It was Good. All of it. I feel sometimes in my Wackiness that Life has come down and given me a soft kiss on the cheek, and the reminder that it is All Good. Even when I feel I've been an ass, a drunk, non-repsonsible and getting involved in drama- even then, it is all according to plan, it is all what I and others have collectively "called forth."
So for now, I release a wave of gentle feelings and good will to the entire Blogosphere and to the entire Real Time Experience.
Now, I've said my piece and can go get some sleep!
