Lots going on today. Drama. Ugh.

On the happier side:
1. DSL comes next week: Hurrah!
2. I am meeting up with Lynnie tonight: HURRAH! This is our first and only meeting in January, which is just not acceptable!
3. We have a knitting lunch going on tomorrow: fun and needed!

On the worried side:
It is time for Feb: UGH. This is always a lousy month. I too frequently resume smoking in Feb., probably in response to the depressions, stressors, cataclysmal events that seem to always occur during these 28 days. UGH!!!!!!

Fun!

You are smart and sexy!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Try it, see what you think.

Ain't That Something, Govenor!
Maryland's New Govenor Does Something Right! This is something that historically has been ignored, and is desparately needed in Baltimore City! Thank you, Bob!

It's A Small World After All

Margaret Mead has famously said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever had."

If you doubt the truth of this statement, consider how often we see the Other Side of the coin:
Mikko Hypponen, manager of anti-virus research in F-Secure's Helsinki office, says, "We've never seen such a small worm spread so fast and cause so many problems That means this could be the beginning of something. Now they see that making it small and making it fast really pays off."

Here's a neat trick: See everything as a gift, a test, a trial, a trauma, and a blessing. It's amazing how anything can become anything, depending on your point of view. I keep reminding myself of this during stressful Work School Moving Avalanche times.

Tick Tock...
Yes, the time is coming when I will be able to dedicate more time to the blog! First, the PC should be installed in my new home by tonight. Next, DSL is on the way. Soon, I will dive fully into an attempt to create a decent blog. Hurrah!

In other Homestead news: the apartment is quickly becoming a home! The Man and I have spent the last few days there, as he has undergone some unpleasant tests for health stuff, and he has required some recovery time. My misgivings have softened considerably, and those that remain are related to the physical structure of the house, rather than the spiritual-emotional structure of my being. I think we'll create a nice little life for ourselves in the time we're inhabiting this apartment. One hopes.

School also started up this week. This will be a fantastic final semester: forensic psychology and psychology of Terrorism. I've already had a class with the prof of the former class, and the prof for the latter class is a player in the International field for the US gov. Verrrrrrrry interesting. But, also a whole lotta work.

More excting news, if you have even a passing interest in science: Bone Marrow Cells Become Neurons

Exciting Times, indeed! This is an up-date on old-time alchemy: the science of molecular transformation.

There are so many thought swirling around this morning. The first, for which I've' included the below words of Martin Luther King, Jr., revolve around the US position on Iraq. My Hawkish country sending tens of thousands of Americans overseas to prepare for war, vs. the "Put on the Breaks" attitude of the rest of the UN Security Council.

Does the US promote Unjust Laws? Should the rest of the world be beholden to the UN, but not the US? Should the rest of the world agree to go through an international military court that the US helped to set up, yet refuses to send its soliders through?

Will cooler heads prevail? This is such an opportunity to truly initate an International Cooperative Force; it's the workings of the best relationships, where differences are fully heard, yet cooperation prevails. So far, so good....

More MLK, Letter from a Birmingham Jail

"You express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws. This is certainly a legitimate concern. Since we so diligently urge people to obey the Supreme Court's decision of 1954 outlawing segregation in the public schools, at first glance it may seem rather paradoxical for us consciously to break laws. One may ask: "How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?" The answer lies in the fact that there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that "an unjust law is no law at all."

"Now, what is the difference between the two? How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of Harmony with the moral law. To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas: An unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal law and natural law. Any law that uplifts human personality is just. Any law that degrades human personality is unjust. All segregation statutes are unjust because segregation distorts the soul and damages the personality. It gives the segregator a false sense of superiority and the segregated a false sense of inferiority. Segregation, to use the terminology of the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, substitutes an "I-it" relationship for an "I-thou" relationship and ends up relegating persons to the status of things. Hence segregation is not only politically, economically and sociologically unsound, it is morally wrong and sinful. Paul Tillich has said that sin is separation. Is not segregation an existential expression of man's tragic separation, his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness? Thus is it that I can urge men to obey the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court, for it is morally right; and I can urge them to disobey segregation ordinances, for they are morally wrong.

"Let us consider a more concrete example of just and unjust laws. An unjust law is a code that a numerical or power majority group compels a minority group to obey but does not make binding on itself. This is difference made legal. By the same token, a just law is a code that a majority compels a minority to follow and that it is willing to follow itself. This is sameness made legal.

"...We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was "legal" and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was "illegal." It was "illegal" to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler's Germany. 'Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. If today I lived in a Communist country where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I would openly advocate disobeying that country's anti-religious laws."

...by the Content of His Character
How wonderful would life be, if people like MLK Jr. ruled the world?

It was Better in the 50s?
Questions, questions, questions. For one, what, if any, part does the male play in this decline? For two, why are co-habitating persons not seeing the same decline? Third, what about children? Part-time vs. Full-time work? Any additional potential explanations? Overall, though, pretty neat study. It's definately past time to rethink the "dysfunctional" status.

oooh. ugh. I was feeling so GOOD, then got a big unsuspecting THWACK in the back of the head by the nasty Winter Bug that is going around.

......

I am off to bed. May everyone be faring better!!!

Another work day is coming to its close. I feel a hell of a lot better today than I did yesterday!

I was able to submit two (2!!!!) abstracts today- hurrah! More nifty stuff upcoming. Lots to do, just the way I like it. And, school starts up next week:
1. Forensic Psychology
2. Psychology of Terrorism, by one of Guilliani's aides during 9/11.
heh. Then: It's a Degree! Yes! Hurrah!!!!

I got an e-mail from my wonderful friend and mentor, Lesta! Hurrah!

Lesta is another person whom I am so grateful to know- I've known her for over a decade now, and she has been a major influence on my life. She is a living example of how to live your life as an aware being. Check out her books here. You won't regret it!

Among many things, Lesta has been one of the very few people to totally grok and support why I don't want to get married. She considers marriage an "...old paradigm just doesn't suit human evolution any more." Thank you, Lesta! I love my man, but I want him to be with me out of freedom and choice, not out of obligation. Yes, I know, many people want to make the commitment, to take on the obligation. Here's the commitment I want: I want the Man to be true to himself, to be and become the Man he is and wants to evolve into. That may or may not include having Knitty next to him; but it won't include having Knitty forced on him. Let us both be free to become who we wish to be. If we grow together, muy excellente! But if not, then we are at least free to grow out, not fester inward.

So, the next question is: why not follow thine instincts and keep one's own place?

Followed by: how does one differentiate between stark fear and strong instinct?

...to wit: was the dread and panic an inner message of wisdom, or was it the flash of Habits/Thoughts/Paradigms that would be better off out the door? Hmmmm?

First, I have to say that I am most fortunate to have been blessed with not only the Man, but also with the brilliant Drella sister.

Drella has encapsulated the situation perfectly. The Man did a fine job of it last night as well, calming me down, stating that he, too, has thought about the possible fallouts should it not work out, but with the irrestible grin of his, noting that we won't know until we try it out. He notes, the risks are definately worth the possible, even likey magnificent outcome. It will be fine. Then he left a wonderful note for me this morning that I just may carry with me until the end of my days.

Drella notes that even if it all goes to hell, it's not the end of the world. She also postulates the reasons behind my freakout. She really has me pegged, my sister.

So, today I will go pick up the lease and drop off a security deposit; the Man and I will sign it tonight, and tomorrow we can begin to move in. And it will be good.

For now, there are two abstracts due today, so the blogging may be limited. Maybe.

Okay, so its taken me eight minutes to go from Happiness over the new place to the edge of freaking out.

In a perfect world, how would I want things to be? In all honesty, I would want to have my very own house in a perfect world. Whichever excellent man was in my life at the time- preferably, of course, the Man I get to hang with now- could either stay with me, or he could have a place of his own, and we would hang at one or the other. In fact, the perfect world would bear a pretty close resemblence to how things are now (except I'd own my house, and his would be in a better area).

Huge parts of me are in a full protest; have I strayed too far from my Perfect World ideals? There is always compromise, yes?

There are all kinds of reasons on why moving in together is a good idea:

1. I am pretty much crazy for the Man
2. He is a very good Man
3. We can generate a really lovely life together this way
4. We basically live together as is, but it can be better due to logistics (like I'll actually have all my stuff in one place) and finances
5. Other non-public issues that would greatly benefit both myself and the Man.

But none of this explains why my head is throbbing, my neck is tight, my eyes are ready to burst, my stomach has dropped to my feet. There are only a few explanations here:
1. I am really scared to do it. Not a good reason
2. A part of me knows better than to do it.The best reason

As was noted earlier, just today, in fact, for those of us who don't believe in coincidence, I don't want to get married; living together without a ring or a non-expiring, legally binding contract (the marriage, not the lease) is my preferred method. Yet I feel like this is akin to getting married; it's as close as I want to get. And I'm freaked by it. So, am I freaked because of Explanation 1, or Explanation 2? Or is there a third unknown confounding variable?

Could it be that, as I'm getting older, I'm ready to settle down a little? I would like, one day, to have a house, and maybe a wee one. I really need to get moving on it, if that's the plan- I'm nearing the upper limit on Childbearing years. I don't think the Man is of the child-rearing type. Maybe this is a sneaky biological clock issue?

Really, I could end up spending a very long time with the Man- as long as possible, really. There is only one other big issue between us, and that is geography: I know that he doesn't want to leave Baltimore. I want to get back to Pittsburgh one day, although it's a day in the still-distant future. It's something we've discussed, and we've decided that we'll deal with it when we come to it. I will probably have to leave here to pursue an MD or PhD, and he was good with that. He would move away for a temporary time period. I would get quite far away from the city, if I were to become a parent. Maybe, despite my feelings and happiness with the Man, this Man is not a long-term issue, and I should find one who is.

That article! What timing. We were laughing last night, watching an old Seinfeld, where Jerry pretends to be married, and he kept saying "my wife..." and digging it. I kept making faces at it. "Wife" has seriously negative connotations for me: slave, chained, other-centered, sad. I used to have nightmares of getting married on sinking ships, and they were accompanied by the exact same feelings I'm experienceing right now: total anxiety and dread. Why am I freaking out? How is it that I've linked Living Together with Getting Married?

Well, at any rate, the Man and I have more to talk about. He's going to be freaked, seeing me all freaked. He really is a tremendous guy- I wish I weren't such a freak sometimes.

Enough blogging for now. Time for a nice cup of tea and some mediative knitting.

The Hunt is Over
...yes, we got the new place. PHEW!!! The Man will be delighted- we can start to move in on Friday. He's got the whole next week off, so he'll be a busy man.

Well, I know I'll be in Baltimore for at least one more year; for the most part, 2003 is geographically spoken for. What a good year ahead: I'll earn the degree, do some very cool clinical work, and get to learn a whole new part of town.

By 2004, should all go even a little according to plan, I hope to be ready for the next Springboard Jump into Whatever is comiong next: family? kids? a home? back to Pittsburgh? Massively wonderful yarn/fiber experiences? The deep commitment to an MD program? a PhD program? Good god, the opportunities are endless...

Lets not miss the bit o'fear mongering on the plight of Those Poor Women who Can't Find a Man to Marry Don't miss the shot at the Men who Won't Grow Up.

Maybe it's because I've never really wanted much to get married, but I just don't understand the hysteria- especially the "Why Buy the Cow if the Milk is Free" thinking.
Most of the guys I know really do want to get married- honestly! If your guy married you mostly so that he could laid more frequently, honey, you're in trouble!

Also, men are the ones who benefit from marriage; married men are WAY better off, on almost every measure, than single men; married women and single women are nearly equivilent. (Give me some time and I'll post those studies.)

Today's Headlines
More Kids in the US on Medication for Psychiatric-Related Illnesses
The potential good: More kids are getting accurately diagnosed and treated.
The likely bad: The long-term effects of these medications on kids is unknown.

Readers of Time Europe vote the US as the Biggest Threat to Peace. Cast your vote Here

I will be knitting like crazy tonight, watching my beloved Pens go up against Boston.

Has the Nightmare Ended? or is this just an Interlude?
I think, just maybe, we've found our next place! Woo-hoo! The Man likes it better than I do- it's not everything I wanted, but it's well within the realms of Happily Livable.
It's in a really nice part of town, pretty deep in the city.

And, if you'd have seen his Chef's eyes light up at the kitchen, at the backyard, at the brick patio complete with Earthsy-BBQ pit, well, you'd have gone for it also. At least you would if you, too, have a stunning vulnerability to the Man's happiness. Anything that makes him *that* pleased is okay with me.

The credit check info and references were turned in today, so we will hope for the best!

Too busy in general, but not too busy to briefly peruse the incredible new Rebecca. Wow!
It's a feverant hope of mine that one day Rebecca will be published in English here in the States- in the meantime, it's enough to get me checking out How to Learn German tapes from the Library!!!

Life in 25 Words or Less:

Friday: The work day has been cut short by the Evil That Befalls Women. Argh.

Househunting: The Nightmare Continues

Relationships: You only know that they are any good if they go bad for a little while at some point, right?

*sigh*

You know have teeny snapshots of the last 24 hours of the life of Jennetic...

Things That Break Too Easily
1. Hearts
2. Relationships
3. Playoff Hopes
4. Addi Turbo Natura Needles, #1!!!!

Explain how you can break TWO SETS of brand new Addis, using TWO CIRCs! There isn't even any hard pulling going on! ARGH!!!

In other News: House-hunting is awful. Stinks. This experience is stirring up all those mixed feelings that revolve around living in Baltimore. We can't find a house in an area that we both like! The Man has far lower standards than I do when it comes to renting a place. Keep all fingers crossed that something good pops up, soon!

Well, I am trying to get some pics up. ARGH!!!

TUESDAY: Yes, weary and worn Santa came through. I will have some pics up shortly.

In the meantime, it is indeed a wicked world we live in (apologies for the possible registration request.)

WOW! It's taken just about 24 hours for my heart rate to return to normal: Thank You Pittsburgh Steelers! ...or rather, Thank You Cleveland!
Steelers Recap Here



Also, in addition to living today bathed in Playoff Football Glory, I have been wildly jealous of my knitting chums who have digital cameras! Once I figure out more about these nifty Blogs, I'll post a few of the pics that have been recently sent to me. I think the Man is out as we speak, searching for a belated Christmas gift (we agreed on getting stuff for everyone else first, and for each other afterwards). I should have written out DIGITAL CAMERA on the bathroom mirror or something. Argh.

On the Needles:
-the first of a really nifty pair of Bird Mittens, from an old Nordic book (they look much cooler than they sound);
-Dad's EarFlap Hat,
-a hat for The Ships Project

-lacey hat
-Nifty things for the Kegresse Family, part I of 6 (!!!)

PLUS, there is much finishing work to be completed:
-four scarfs for the House of Ruth,
-side-to-side jacket for the wee bairn of my housemates

HAHAHAHAHA!!! At last, I fixed the Blog! A new template, a New Year, a new look to things.

Things to Revise This Year (or a less restrictive list of Resolutions)
1. Knit More
2. Walk More
3. Drink More..tea.
4. Read LOTS more
5. Visit my family a whole lot more often.

Things One Hopes Will Occur This Year
1. I will GRADUATE
2. The Steelers win the Super Bowl
3. Lemieux wins another Hart Trophy, as well as takes the Points Race
4. At least one article gets accepted, if not published
5. I will learn to create decent web pages.

I am amazed at the excellent quality of many blogs out there. Stellar!

Ah, a New Year. Happiness to all, may 2003 better 2002 and 2001 by a long shot....